The Next Step.E

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Hey yall, I don’t usually like to be completely transparent when it comes to online stuff but I feel like I needed to discuss it. I know from other posts (especially the one before this) it’s been extremely vague and positive just for the sake of news on me, which all of it is true don’t get me wrong lol but I feel like I haven’t been able to gather all of my thoughts correctly for the past 2 months. I’ve been really struggling to say the least, in terms of myself and my goal as a person. The last 2 months were definitely the catalyst for all of that, it really put a test on me about what I am and what I do for not only people, but for myself. Especially my friends, it’s been an honor and a treat to see them reach new heights and work relating to big studios/creators, I don’t want to say I was jealous lol but it definitely got to me in a way that wasn’t healthy for both my mental state and art. It made myself feel like I needed to catch up with my friends in order to be great and to feel equal, trying to be as smart and sophisticated as them. Least to say it made me rush everything I do and think that “I can do that with my arm tied behind my back”, when really I’ve been falling over every few seconds lol. Again, a lot of this came to now where I really needed to ask myself “why am I doing this?” and to be completely honest, I don’t know. It still really perplexes me, but I feel like this is the perfect time to take a step back and focus on what ‘I’ want to rather than to please the algorithm or feed into my fear of being left behind. And before anything, I wanna apologize to the people whom I have affected in a way that either made them feel uncomfortable around me or trying to steal attention from them. I’ve never wanted to harm anyone and I’m truly sorry if it affected anyone that way. All I can do now is what I can, and what I’m gonna do is strive to be my best at myself, and I promise I’m gonna deliver when I want to and I promise I’ll do better. Thank you. <3